Saturday, April 30, 2011

Funny Business Taglines. And why they're funny.

Accenture- High Performance. Delivered.
   This one almost sounds like a clever disclaimer. I mean, look at it- High Performance has nothing to do with (read, does not have to be) delivered. They’re separated by a period.

Amarillo College, Texas: “Give yourself a raise…Education Pays!”
   Not funny, but insightful-couldn’t leave it out.

Barclays- Fluent in Finance; It’s our business to know your business
   Your business to know our business- well, who are you- the FBI?

BEL: The missile maker
    Hehehe.. Do I even have to elaborate why this is funny?

BIG BAZAAR - Is se sasta aur Achcha kahee nahee milenga
   PUHLEEZZZ!! Local flea market mein better shit milenga!

CNET: The source for computing and technology
   Come again? Source for computing and technology? Well, I’m a tech student and I know, like any other tech student does, that CNET is a Reviews site. What am I missing?

Central- Shop. Eat. Celebrate
   Not in that order for sure! Whenever I shop from Central, I end up buying so much stuff that I don’t have any money left to spend on food. And celebrate? Hell, no! The sequence should be Eat wisely. Celebrate Judiciously. Then Shop till you drop!

CHEVROLET AVEO - When Good is not good enough
    While that is an ambitious tagline, it could very well be interpreted as- Our Good Products aren’t nearly good enough. Isn’t it? Or is it just me?

Dell - Easy as DELL
    It’s not funny. It’s intelligent. Wish it was true as well!

GAIL - Gas and Beyond
    I don’t know why that is funny.

HP Invent - Everything is Possible
   YESSS!! Everything- Like your laptop turning into an electric furnace that emits enormous heat and goes off as soon as the power-supply is removed- sometimes, earlier.

HYUNDAI - Drive Your Way
   I now know why all the people driving Hyundai cars are unmindful of the traffic behind- or in front. They drive 'their own way'. With all offence meant to Hyundai drivers.

LARSEN and TOUBRO - We make things which make India proud
   Err.. Like what- Switchgears?

LENOVO - We are building a new technology company.
   A new technology company could mean a company that uses new technologies or makes them; it could also mean YET ANOTHER technology company. But what technology? Why is it that technology is supposed to imply Computers or IT? And, finally, what would a technology company be? Isn’t every company, in some way or the other, a technology company? What new technology company- Lenovo? Well, that’s already in place. Where is this new technology company that they’re building? Is it a tagline or a codename for a new company that they’re seeking to publicize? Okay, I'll give my Lenovo bias a rest now.

LEE - The jeans that built America
    Err.. okay.. I thought it was American Apparel that built present-day America (I might be black-listed by the CIA for this line and never get an American visa). And, incidentally, American Apparel even says “American”. What's American about LEE? With what right does LEE claim to have “built” America? I mean I adore Lee’s clothing- it is awesome, but come on!

MITTAL STEEL- Shaping the future of steel
   I don’t know how they do that- I tried visiting their website for details but looks like they can’t shape even that. Or get it shaped. Now I doubt if they can even shape steel- let alone the future of steel. Pity! - Never Settle
  Yeah, with the kind of jobs they’re outsourcing, people never will.

Mitsubishi Motors : Wake up and drive
   Awkward Silence!

Sahara - Emotionally yours

   Emotionally mine? Well, thanks ... I’m overwhelmed. But I think this is some charity organization’s tagline that I’ve picked up. Let me Yahoo! that (I won’t get into the Google-Bing controversy, so I’ll Yahoo! it. Yahoo! is an extinct search-engine. On a side-note, Yahoo!’s tagline is- The world’s most visited home-page. Tsk Tsk. They never even updated their surveys). Well, during the time I wrote that line, Yahoo! results showed up. Sorry to inform you- Sahara is INDEED emotionally ours. But what does that mean for us- What?

Servo- 100 % Performance. Everytime
    From what I’ve studied as a humble student of science, I know it can’t offer 100% performance. You can actually put it to test and sue them. They have gone too far in saying “Everytime”. Sue them.

Standard Insurance Company Limited. Positively Different.
   It appears that, at some point in time, their tagline was “Different” and it got them much criticism because it was confused with “Mentally challenged”- so they probably changed it to Positively Different. Now look at the cowardice, the defensiveness- "positively different". It’s okay to be different, guys- that is, in fact, a rule of thumb in business- differentiate yourselves. Why add the 'positive' disclaimer? It’s like saying “I beg to differ”. Don’t beg to differ. Dare to differ. But, wait- you can be different and STANDARD at the same time, can you? I mean you can either be a standard insurance company or a different insurance company. Did they add the word DIFFERENT (if my story about the lone DIFFERENT is true) in order to defend the company name- STANDARD?

VOLKSWAGEN - Drivers wanted
   Not funny, intelligent! I volunteer for Beetle. Muaaah!

MARUTI SX4 - “Men are Back”
   Well, baby! They were never extinct. They’ve been driving SUVs. It is just the recession.

Star Sports - We know your game

SKODA – Obsessed with Quality since 1897
   Well, I’ve been obsessed with death since 2010. I never got it.

Thai Airways - “Smooth as Silk”

Uninor- Ab mera number hai
   Which century are they in? I had a number since I was 18 (before that, GOI didn't allow cell-phone services in Kashmir). Please move on from phone numbers. Now we’re at a stage where everyone will soon have a  UID/SSN. And Uninor ke saath ab mera number hai? Phone number? Really? That’s so old-school.

Shehla Rashid Online: The world through my eyes!
   Tsk Tsk. Cute Smile :)


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